His phone number was given as 1-800-LACTOSE, as that was the only word he could use to make it a vanity number. Many people thought it was a joke, and people were laughing at it at first, but when the laughter of it died down, he dropped the word for the 1997 season and just gave out the number.
Dennis Miller: [first lines after his first Monday Night Football gig]
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckety-fuck, fuck, *fuck*! It's so good to be home.
Dennis Miller: [on Jocelyn Elders' comment about teaching masturbation in high school]
Masturbation needs to be taught in high school like holding your breath needs to be taught in diving class.