Saturday Night Live: The Best of Chris Rock

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Himself - Announcer (archive sound)

Duff (archive footage) (uncredited)

B-Real (archive footage) (uncredited)

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Jesse Jackson

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Eydie Gorme (archive footage) (uncredited)

Florida Coalition Against Pornographic Art Representative (archive footage) (uncredited)

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Iron Mike Tyson

Douglas Randell (archive footage) (uncredited)

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Tori Spelling

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Ossie David Jr. (archive footage) (uncredited)

Not Gettin' Any Guy (archive footage) (uncredited)

Billy Idol

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2 Live Crew Member (archive footage) (uncredited)

Dennis Miller: Here with an editorial on taxes and crime is SNL news correspondent, Chris Rock. Chris Rock: Thank you, Dennis. Before I started comedy, I used to work at McDonald's making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boss was trying to say? It's like, "Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it's against the law." Now minimum wage used to come up to about $200 a week and then they'd take out $50 in taxes. That's alot of money if you're only making $200 a week. That's kinda like kicking Monday and Tuesday in the ass. I hate taxes, I hate checks. I hate the fact that they put two amounts of money on your check. It's like: This is the money you worked all week for, and this is what you're gonna get. Don't tease me! Don't take off your bra and say: "Whatcha lookin' at?" I think taxes are the reason there's so much crime.

Chris Rock: There's this big fuss about prison over crowding! Prison over crowding. I don't get it. I thought that was the whole idea of prison, a place for prisoners to feel uncomfortable. At my house we used to sleep four to a bed but we never tried to hang my father. Jails are so nice they go back twice. They don't have this problem in other countries. Nobody goes to Siberia twice. Nobody goes to Iran twice because it's hard to snatch another purse if you don't got another hand. It's pretty hard to lie to the judge with no tongue in your mouth! We're too nice to our criminals! Prisoners get three meals a day, homeless people don't get anything. That's messed up. I think criminals should get one meal a day: dinner. And not on a tray like normal people, they should put a cow in the courtyard and whatever happens, happens. You miss a meal go to deathrow and get the extra meat off the electric chair. I know that's harsh, but I hate the electric chair. Because electricity goes through there and electricity costs money, tax payers money! My $50! There are alot of cheap ways to kill someone. Like stabbing don't cost a damn thing. Get a stabbing chair. That's all I got to say, Man!

Chris Rock: Everyone in this room has atleast one gay cousin. You're all thinking about them now aren't you? Well I've got a gay uncle. I call him Aunt Tom. I love my Aunt Tom. I know right now if I was in a fight, my Aunt Tom would take off his pumps and whoop some ass!