Jerry:
I'm a single guy, by the way, there are no other guys attached to me.
[cheering]
Jerry:
Thank you very much.
Woman from audience:
Jerry, I love you!
Jerry:
[turns to the woman]
Thank you. I love you too. But I do feel the need to see other people.
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Jerry:
"Wait up!" That's what kids say. They don't say "wait", they say "Wait up! Hey, wait up!" 'Cause when you're little, your life is up. The future is up. Everything you want is up. "Wait up! Hold up! Shut up! Mom, I'll clean up! Let me stay up!" Parents of course are just the opposite. Everything is down. "Just calm down. Slow down. Come down here. Sit down. Put that down."
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Jerry:
I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people. They're hanging in there with the chopsticks,aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks. I don't know how they missed it. Chinese farmer gets up, works in the field with a shovel all day. Shovel. Spoon. Come on. You're not plowing 40 acres with a couple of pool cues!
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Jerry:
I was the best man to a wedding one time, that was pretty good. Pretty good title, I thought, best man. I thought it was a bit much. I thought we'd have the groom and a pretty good man. That's more than enough. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?
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Jerry Seinfeld: [on medicine commercials]
Pain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.